Being gay and finally owning up to it took a long time. I knew how it can get really dark, alone, and you can’t do anything but suffer in silence. While you want acceptance, a feeling of place, and some understanding of why society hates you. All this in a ball that accompanied the feeling of just ending it all. You can sometimes feel like a puppet, a “voodoo doll” like if someone else was to blame for all the pain caused to you. So you end up blaming yourself thinking there was something wrong with you. Thinking “I was created into this world to take on all the pain and suffering.” The people who made or caused pain to you are the same people  who are unhappy with themselves. They are the same people who are missing something in their lives but eventually grow tired once they know they are the ones lacking. All you can do is hang in there everyday until the needles stops hurting. eventually it always gets better once we all accept ourselves. Because let’s be real everyone, it stops hurting once we all know the voodoo effect doesn’t really work but just make us stronger.

Making a voodoo I knew would be easy as long as you got the proportions right. Then all you have to do is dress it up. something I knew not to overlook was to make sure it would hold together and not fall apart. I used really strong number 2 pencils I broke into 2 to hold up the frame. I borrowed some of the items from my dads watch repair shop. I kept the buttons on with needles. I strapped the batteries around the waist with a stretchy strap. I didn’t worry so much on how it would look at first. I can easily keep all the thread, needles, and pins covered with final pieces of fabric.

I barely did any dramatic changes on editing the image on Photoshop because the photo alone would already make the cut.

To any of my readers who are considering or have thought about suicide. Please call The Trevor Hotline, which is a 24-hour toll-free suicide prevention line aimed at gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning youths:



  1. Many Marnett says:

    I would like to consider the opportunity of saying thanks to you for that professional suggestions I have usually enjoyed checking out your site. I’m looking forward to the commencement of my college research and the complete prep would never have been complete without browsing your web site. If I could be of any assistance to others, I’d be thankful to help as a result of what I have learned from here.

    • sicklabz says:

      I would also like to thank you back. This post is of the most personal to me. I had to write it despite of all the insecurities layed out by doing so. There was a stronger call to do so then to have just kept that all in. Thank you because I am only one person. Having another who understands and also wants to help is just amazing.

      I would love to know more about your research. Maybe I can be of help.


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